a blessing in disguise

ermm..
i’ve been thinking to shut this blog down.
but sthg happened last few days.
so maybe i cud write it down before i post my closing speech.

i often heard abt ppl who have this habit of mistakenly sending sms to people who are the subject in the sms – i hv this friend who always sent her texts meant for her husband to me!! some are just hillarious to read!!

but thats exactly what happened to me last thursday.

i was composing this sms for my bestfriend – crying my heart out abt this guy i hv a crush on – and i mistakenly sent the sms to that guy himself!!
n this is the kind of stuff thats very deep and serious. i might as well just made a full confession of my feelings!!

my immediate reaction was to send another sms asking him to ignore that sms, and just delete it. i was sure he must have read it, but reading it twice would obviously further the damage..so i thot i cud do some damage control. but i dont think it made any difference.

if it was not for some urgent work, i would have taken e.l then next day. but i coudnt, so i did go to work.

and for the first hour i felt like i was sitting on fire…jantung rase cam nak tercabut!!
it was totally logic if he would want to ignore me. we are very close. and what i did was the biggest sin in a friendship. no, not the sms part. the crush part~
it wasnt right of me to have feelings for him. esp when i know he already had a gf. which he just did recently actually- recent in relative to when i`ve started having this issue.. but he never changed his attitude, the way he acts around me so i guess i made an excuse to myself to delay moving on~~

but i was suprised myself when he actually talked to me like nothing happened, ok maybe slightly awkward than usual but he did take that effort to appear normal.
thats exactly the type of guy he is, matured and gentleman. slightly rough but kindhearted.
younger than me but very wise and ambitious.

blame me for falling for that ~~

and now, things are obviously awkward. we still talk to each other. well maybe 50% than we normally do. he doesnt come hanging around my workstation bugging me with silly jokes while charging his phone anymore…and the small talks are now kept to minimum.

its sad to have things ending this way, but i know this is like a blessing in disguise. i was living in denial. living in the false pretense that i was hoping for nothing. when deep inside i was still holding on to it.
but what happened this time left me no option but to move on. and let it be.
and no matter how hard and painful, i know that i have to go through this delicate situation carefully. especially if i at least want to have him as a friend.
i feel bad for putting him in such a difficult situation, it never should have happened, but it did and i’m sorry.

but for once, at least i know that somebody knows how i feel.

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